And So, That's That.

I'm back to square one.
Alone and miserable.
But that's ok.
Its where I've always ended up.
Its where I'm supposed to be.
I've given up.
There is nothing out there for me.
Its just unfair.
But since when has life ever been fair?
Especially to me.
I can't feel anything anymore.
Only pain.
I don't sleep, don't eat.
All I can do is try and cope with it all.
But I'm not coping very well.
I can't smile.
I don't know how to be happy.
Its driving me crazy.
All these feelings.
I just want to explode.
I just want to be able to tell someone.
But there's no one there.
Darkness surrounds me.
It keeps happiness away from me.
I find myself in this dark, deep hole.
Unable to escape.
The fate of my life bearing down upon me.
Its daunting.
Its painful.
But what can I do?
If this is truly how it is meant to be, then how can I fight it?
All I can do is lie back and accept it.
Live this li(f)e that is filled with misery.
And all I can do is pretend.
Pretend that it doesn't hurt me.
Pretend that everything is ok.
But on the inside.
I'm dying.
Slowly.
Piece by piece.
I'm just hoping one day it kills me.
But knowing my luck.
This is going to be the rest of my life.
Living like this.
Suffering, but wearing a smile.
I need help.
But it's never going to be enough.

Well Its Over Now

So that's that.
Game Over.
But its ok.
You two are better off without me in the picture.
I would only make things more complicated.
Things are already messed up.
They're about to get worse.
I don't think I can handle it.
I just want to escape.
Escape into the nothingness that lives within me.
To the vast black emptiness.
I'm long gone.

Timing

Timing is everything.
It's the key to success.
Or failure.
But I don't think there will ever be a right time for this.
I need to tell you.
It's killing me, having to hide it from you.
I know this will probably end badly.
But isn't it nice to know that you're liked?
Even if you don't feel the same way.