Not a single crap was given.

All these years I was right about you.
As much as I didn't want to believe it.
I never told you anything.
I'll never tell you anything.
Not like you care anyway.

As soon as I heard the words come out from your mouth.

"I don't care."
"I don't care."

I need to get out of here. Fast.

Your Turn.

There.
I said it.
I honestly said what I feel.
Now you hold the cards.
Its your turn.

If I just disappear, will everything be better?

Withdrawal

What is wrong with me.
Don't eat.
Don't sleep.
Don't study.
What am I...

So many feelings just building up, but there's no release.
Sometimes I forget how much I've bottled up.
At other times I feel like I'm going to explode.
Especially late at night/early in the morning.
And those are the loneliest times.
Even if there was someone I could talk to, they would be asleep.
Not that anyone cares.

I feel like a paradox.
I want to yell my feelings out to anyone who cares to listen.
But I'm scared to say how I really feel.
Because it would either make or break my life right now.
I don't even know what I'm achieving by writing this right now.

I guess...
I want you back.
More than ever.
Even if we have no future.
I miss you more than you'll ever know.
I miss the feeling you gave me.
Was it happiness?
I'm beginning to forget.
All I know is, I was a far better person with you.

I know, I know.
I shouldn't be relying on someone to make me happy.
But even if I want you back.
There's no way that will happen.
There's no way I can tell you how I feel.
When did everything get so complicated between us?
Between everyone?

I've become so...withdrawn.

Ne-Yo - Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself)

Girl let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself
Girl let me love you
And all your troubles
Don't be afraid, girl let me help
Girl let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself

It will be a long time before I ever love myself.

Not. Good. Enough.

This is the only conclusion I can come to.
You gave me no answers.
Only reasons.

Why is this the only thing I can think of?
Every time I think I have an answer it comes back to this one simple reason.

Not. 
Good. 
Enough.

And maybe that's the right one.

Cos you know what?
It always comes back to this.
I'm going in circles.
Its driving me crazy.
I can't sleep.

But never mind, that's normal.

Could it possibly be true?
That I'll never be enough?

Most. 
Fucking. 
Likely.

And So, That's That.

I'm back to square one.
Alone and miserable.
But that's ok.
Its where I've always ended up.
Its where I'm supposed to be.
I've given up.
There is nothing out there for me.
Its just unfair.
But since when has life ever been fair?
Especially to me.
I can't feel anything anymore.
Only pain.
I don't sleep, don't eat.
All I can do is try and cope with it all.
But I'm not coping very well.
I can't smile.
I don't know how to be happy.
Its driving me crazy.
All these feelings.
I just want to explode.
I just want to be able to tell someone.
But there's no one there.
Darkness surrounds me.
It keeps happiness away from me.
I find myself in this dark, deep hole.
Unable to escape.
The fate of my life bearing down upon me.
Its daunting.
Its painful.
But what can I do?
If this is truly how it is meant to be, then how can I fight it?
All I can do is lie back and accept it.
Live this li(f)e that is filled with misery.
And all I can do is pretend.
Pretend that it doesn't hurt me.
Pretend that everything is ok.
But on the inside.
I'm dying.
Slowly.
Piece by piece.
I'm just hoping one day it kills me.
But knowing my luck.
This is going to be the rest of my life.
Living like this.
Suffering, but wearing a smile.
I need help.
But it's never going to be enough.